Susan Shapiro Finds New Jealousy in Ex's Sudden Fame
The author and writing teacher explains how a new project by a man she dated decades ago stirred up old wounds during a period of personal and professional stress.
By Luana Sato ·
Author and writing teacher Susan Shapiro recently learned that a man she dated decades ago was receiving positive press for a new project. Despite having no contact for years and maintaining a stable marriage, the news caused her considerable distress. She noted that her current struggles with a difficult work period and her husband's declining health made the ex's success feel like a personal defeat.
Shapiro, who is 12 years younger than the man, recalled meeting him at 24 through a college roommate who worked as his assistant. The date took place in his Greenwich Village brownstone, where he introduced her to his dog, Oscar. He impressed her by quoting her early magazine work, establishing an intellectual connection that led to a twelve-month relationship.
During that time, he encouraged her to leave her publishing job and work as a freelancer. He cooked gourmet meals and offered advice on her writing, creating an atmosphere of shared artistic ambition. However, red flags emerged after they cohabited. Shapiro discovered he owed money to his assistant and was dealing with creditors. He also extended a business trip and asked her to cover rent and bills, promising to repay him upon his return.
Shapiro left the relationship after finding flirty correspondence between him and an actress, in which he referred to her as an assistant rather than a partner. She moved in with a friend and learned of further issues, including an unfinalized divorce and a pattern of double dating. She estimated he owed her several thousand dollars, a significant sum at the time. He never reimbursed her for the costs she covered during their shared lease.
Years later, Shapiro wrote a memoir that included a chapter about him. She portrayed him as a charming but deceptive figure who had pushed her toward independence. After he read the book, he sent an email containing only the phrase "ha ha" and stopped communicating with her. She eventually married a TV comedy writer, a partner she describes as honest and reliable.
The recent media attention for the ex triggered a sense of unfairness for Shapiro. She questioned why society often rewards men who have behaved poorly while punishing those who are diligent. The #MeToo movement had highlighted that there is no expiration date on seeking justice, yet she felt her situation was a consensual relationship gone wrong rather than a case of abuse.
Shapiro realized that her initial attraction was rooted in a desire to emulate his success. She wanted to be like him, living in a book-filled apartment in New York and working in an artistic field. Now that she has achieved that lifestyle herself, the competition feels more direct. She views his earlier deceptions as a way for him to bolster his own image and convince himself he was successful and free.
The experience has forced Shapiro to revise her internal narrative about her romantic history. She acknowledges that life is not always fair and that she cannot control how society honors or punishes people. Her husband jokes that if he ever cheats, it will be with pizza. She remains focused on her own stable home and long-lasting career, viewing the episode as a chance to reevaluate her past without letting it define her present.
